Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013, we hardly knew ye...

I’m back. Miss me? Work, virus problems, asshole relatives and just general fatigue have made this my least productive “full” year blogging (I don’t count 2011 since I’d just started). On the plus side, I’ve also churned out more actual reviews, instead of lists and rants. So that’s something.
 But anyway, this was one crazy year:
 So much stuff happened that I'd love to rant about, but here are my select crazy moments from the world of geekdom:
 - A new cartoon debuted on the Hub called Shezow; about a kid named Guy who becomes a superhero. The twist is that he becomes a female superhero.
 I really don’t care about the show itself, but the controversy the show generated was something to see. There were craploads of protests from idiotic organizations like One Million Moms (Our old friends from the Alan Scott controversy last year), who accused the show of trying to push some sort of transgender agenda on kids. This in turn led to a bunch of Social Justice Warrior idiots on Tumblr and other websites crowing the show as a breakthrough in Trans-media. Both sides are so wrong it’s not funny.
 First, if you watch the show, Guy (get it?) doesn’t actually turn into a girl; he just ends up dressed like one. Second, pretty much all of the comedy on the show is milked from the idea of Guy being a boy dressed like a girl and all of Shezow’s gadgets being based on stereotypically feminine things. That’s exactly the type of humor that normally sets these people off on rants. Hell, I’ve seen them get pissed off over less offensive stuff than that. You just know that if this show didn’t have any conservative organizations protesting against it, those same people on Tumblr would be the ones doing the protesting; they would be accusing it of cis-gender privilege, sexism and pretty much every –ism under the sun (and probably a few under the moon as well).
 You know I’m right.
-Not only was the Man of Steel sequel announced as a Batman VS Superman film, but Ben Affleck was also cast as Batman.
 Cue the casting shit-storm of this century. The Michael Keaton controversy was nothing compared to this.
 Seriously. It was news everywhere. I mean, you almost literally couldn’t go anywhere without hearing about it. I even overheard some fucking construction workers talking about it on lunch break when I was at Subway. Normally I’d be happy to see the general public so concerned about the interpretation of an iconic character, and it is good to see that things like the Aurora incident and all the news reports about “how awful geeks are” hasn’t soured Joe Average on comics. But, c’mon folks, where did this newfound love for Christian Bale’s Batman come from? Don’t get me wrong, I flat-out loved Bale in the trilogy, but it seemed to me that everyone else couldn’t wait to make fun of him for his Batman voice. Now everyone’s calling him irreplaceable (Never mind that this is a reboot and not the same character seen in the Nolan films).
 As for Affleck, while I’m one of the first to point out his flaws as an actor, I think he can be really good when given the right role and the right amount of screen-time. Daredevil had lots of problems, but those were mostly script-wise. I thought he was decent. He can play both somber and laid back very well. Since it’s going to be a versus movie, and with Superman being the established hero, it is likely Batman will be portrayed as a mysterious, antagonistic figure, with Bruce Wayne as a sort of wild card who Supes won’t know whether he should trust. I think Affleck can handle that.
  Basically, what I’m trying to say is, Batman probably won’t get too much screen time in this film, so even if Affleck does louse everything up, it won’t matter in the big picture, and I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Considering that it was just confirmed that Wonder Woman will be involved in the film, as well as serious speculation that Batman will be portrayed as an older, wearier figure, it seems more and more likely that Affleck’s role will be a glorified cameo.

- Less controversially, it was announced that Arnold Schwarzenegger was in talks for appearing in the Toxic Avenger remake which is in the works (Although to be honest, when hasn’t a Toxic Avenger remake been announced by Lloyd as being in the works?). Most fans seem to think this means Arnold will play Toxie himself, and while that would definitely be amusing, well, have you seen the shape Schwarzenegger is in lately? I think it’s more likely that he’ll end up playing Mayor Belgoody or some equivalent character (Ah-nuld as a corrupt politican? God, that might actually be the best satire to come out of Troma ever, if done right), or, since this remake is rumored to be aiming for a PG-13, maybe he’ll play Dr. Killemoff from the cartoon. This is just speculation on my part; he could be cast as Melvin’s mother for all I know.
- Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are now planning on remaking The Abominable Doctor Phibes. Since it’s the big trend to humanize villains these days, maybe they’ll use that stupid ass “Phibes as a disguise-wearing crimefighter” concept. Maybe the Kirby’s will even sue over it.
 Joking aside, this is the worst remake idea I’ve seen in some time. Even if it turns out to be good, you just know that idiots will end up calling the film a Saw or 7even rip-off, unless of course they come up with a whole new MO for Phibes. Oh well, so long as they don’t try and remake Theater of Blood, I’m good.

-Disney now has the rights to Indiana Jones. There’s a Carl Barks joke in here somewhere…

-Not only is the horrible, unfunny Grumpy Cat meme getting a movie, the horrible unfunny “Doge” meme has become popular amongst Congress.

  I propose the guillotine as punishment, but others have suggested a simple lynching would suffice. Personally, I think these lynching people have no idea what they’re talking about.

 Oh well, maybe 2014 will be better. Happy New Years to everyone.